fallintofallfestival prompt fill

[lovemeanyway]

The cool water on Buck’s face does little to ease the heat in his cheeks as he thinks of how he broke down not more than fifteen minutes earlier. His job is to make sure Christopher has a safe place to break down if need be, to cry without feeling any shame if he needs to. Instead, he’d been left comforting Buck as he cried. Shame washes over him as he towels his face dry, determinedly deciding he’ll never let that happen again.

It takes him a couple more minutes to feel confident enough in himself to return to Christopher’s room, but before he can his phone buzzes with a text.

Hen: Call me when you get a chance.

A spike of terror causes Buck’s heart to start beating faster. Did something happen with Eddie?

In an instant he’s got the phone to his ear, focusing on the sound of the ringing so he doesn’t think too hard about the fact his heart feels like it’s working too hard and might stop at any moment. When Hen answers, Buck doesn’t give her a chance to say anything beyond his name.

“Is Eddie…” he trails off, unable to finish the sentence.

“Eddie’s still in surgery, but they said he’s doing good.” Hen reassures him gently. “That’s not why I called.”

“Oh.”

“I wanted you to call me because Karen and I are with Charlie,” she says. “He’s been asking about Eddie and I thought since he can’t see him and Christopher can’t see him… maybe you could bring Christopher to spend some time with him if he’s feeling up to it?”

It takes Buck a moment to process what Hen’s saying and for him to place who Charlie is. Amongst the trauma of the day, he’d forgotten about why they’d even gone to the scene. It’s only now he realizes Charlie was there. Eddie had been about to get in an ambulance with him to ride to the hospital. The poor kid would have seen everything.

“I’ll ask him,” Buck says, knowing how much Christopher had wanted to help Charlie and be his friend. But that also means he’ll have to explain what happened. “What do I tell him about why Charlie’s in the hospital?”

“The truth. As hard as it is, you just have to tell him the truth.”

After they hang up, Buck takes another minute to compose himself further before exiting the bathroom. Christopher is still sitting on his bed, one of his favorite toys in his hands as he stares down at it.

“Hey,” Buck says, knocking on the door twice softly before retaking his spot beside Christopher on the bed. “I have an idea, but if-if it’s too much or you-you don’t want to, you don’t have to, okay?”

Christopher looks up at him, eyes shiny with tears.

“You-you remember Charlie?” he asks, though he knows there’s no way Christopher would have forgotten. When he gets a nod of affirmation accompanied by a sniffle, he continues, “He’s at the hospital too right now. Hen’s with him. We-we thought maybe you might want to go see him until your-your… until you can see your dad.”

Christopher sniffles again, wiping at his nose with his sleeve.

“Did the bad man hurt him too?”

“No, no he-he, uh, he got hurt, yeah, but it wasn’t - he wasn’t.” Buck stops, taking a deep breath. “His mom hurt him, but he’s-he’s gonna be okay now. I think he’s just-just lonely. Maybe a friendly face will be good.”

For a moment Christopher is quiet, thinking over what Buck’s said. When he finally looks up at him, there’s a determination on his face that let’s Buck know exactly what his answer is without needing to be told. Honestly, Buck hadn’t expected anything different.

—

The hospital waiting room is filled with people when they arrive.

Bobby is the first on his feet to greet them, clapping a steady hand on Buck’s shoulder before kneeling down to talk quietly to Christopher as Karen comes up and gives him a tight, comforting hug. Buck doesn’t want it to end when she lets go, not realizing until this moment how much he needed more of that kind of contact from the people he loves.

“Hen’s upstairs with Charlie and Denny,” Karen says, leading him a few steps away from Christopher and Bobby. “You’re sure he’s okay coming here? Today’s been really hard. For everyone.”

Buck doesn’t miss her assessing gaze, knowing he looks tired and on the verge of possibly collapsing due to exhaustion.

“I made sure.”

“What about you?” Karen gives his arm a squeeze. Buck blinks rapidly at the sudden filling of tears in his eyes. When he doesn’t answer, Karen asks, “You want to head up?”

Nodding, he clears his throat, thankful for the change in subject and hoping the knot forming will pass. He doesn’t trust himself to speak without crying. But it doesn’t pass, especially when he sees that the others have joined Bobby and Christopher. Karen makes a soft noise and wraps an arm around him, turning them both so their backs are to the group.

“It’s okay, I got you,” she murmurs, rubbing his back. That’s all it takes for the tears to fall freely.

Buck barely notices Chimney join them, not until he has his arm around Buck’s other side, the pair of them creating a warm cocoon of comfort.

“Why don’t I take Christopher up?” he asks once Buck’s crying has subsided some. “You can sit for a minute.”

Still not trusting himself to be able to speak, Buck nods again. He doesn’t know what he would do if he didn’t have them, all of them - his family. Growing up all he ever had was Maddie. Never in a million years would he have thought then that he’d have what he does now. The possibility of losing Eddie, who has become so central and important in his life, causes Buck to choke up again.

There is no world he wants to live in that doesn’t have Eddie in it.

“Come on, let’s sit. Chim has Christopher.” Karen guides him away from the others. He doesn’t resist when she pushes him gently into a chair. When she sits beside him, she takes his hand in hers. “I’m here. I got you. It’s going to be okay.”

Buck is grateful she just sits with him, letting him get his emotions out in his own time.

When she squeezes his hand and rises to her feet, stepping in front of him, Buck can’t help but look up at the same moment she says, “Ana. Do you mind giving us a minute?”

Ana’s eyes seek out Buck before returning to Karen, an uncertain expression settling on her face.

“Who’s with Christopher?”

“My wife.”

Karen steps forward, shifting her body more so that Buck’s sight of Ana is blocked completely. He takes advantage of the small amount of privacy to wipe tears from his face, then stands. Ana’s gaze locks on him the second he settles himself beside Karen.

“I’d like to see him,” she says, speaking directly to Buck. “I think he should be at home, actually.”

“He’s-he’s with a friend.” He tries not to sound irritated by her accusatory tone, but it’s hard. “With family.”

“I would think his family would understand he needs to be somewhere familiar right now, not at a hospital when we don’t know for sure if his father will be okay.” Ana lifts her chin slightly, voice trembling, as though daring Buck to disagree with her. “I’d like to take him home.”

Whether she meant for the words to cut, Buck doesn’t know. But they do. The word home paired with the reminder he might lose Eddie makes his jaw clench, hands tightening into fists at his side. Karen takes one into her hands, turning to Buck and ignoring Ana entirely, forcing him to look at her, and only her.

The gentle touch and the way she’s looking at him with such genuine concern makes him relax ever so slightly. He understands in this moment, with Karen’s steady presence keeping him from lashing out, why Hen loves her so much.

She doesn’t let go until he’s visibly calmed, then nods. “I’ll be right over there if you need me,” she says, then leaves the two of them alone.

When he looks back at Ana, she’s staring at him with raised eyebrows, arms crossed over her chest.

“Eddie’s going to be fine.” Buck says it like he believes it, like there’s no doubt in his mind that tomorrow he’ll still have his best friend and that Christopher will still have his father. “And-and I’m taking Christopher home. After he’s done visiting Charlie.”

“I think it would be best if -”

“No. It won’t be best,” Buck cuts her off, voice rising in pitch along with his anger.

Ana might be Eddie’s girlfriend, but he’s been there for Christopher. He’s been a steady part of their lives for longer than she has. He needs to be the one to stay with Christopher and make sure he’s alright until Eddie is safely back home.

“Everything alright?”

Bobby has come to stand just behind Ana, glancing back and forth between them, looking far too much like a mama bear ready to defend her cubs. Ana’s face flushes instantly when she glances back at him. Buck feels his cheeks warm too, embarrassed he’s caused a scene and takes a step back, wanting distance from Ana and this entire situation.

“Everything’s fine, Cap,” he says, but the words ring false even to his own ears.

Karen, who has somehow become his savior tonight, must sense his impending breakdown. Without a word she leads him away, casting a glance behind her at Bobby who is speaking softly to Ana and attempting to usher her in the opposite direction. Buck barely notices, too consumed with the sudden constricting feeling in his chest.

“Just breathe,” she says once they’re in a hallway adjacent to the waiting room.

“I-I… she can’t…” Unable to finish his sentence, Buck falls quiet.

“I know, baby.” Once again, Karen rubs soothing circles on his back. “You’re going to be just fine.”

It all reminds him of when he would get sick as a child and Maddie would comfort him, lying in bed beside him as she told him stories to distract him from how miserable he was. As much as he appreciates everything Karen has done for him, he wants so badly for it to be his sister here with him. He has to remind himself she promised she’d meet him at Eddie’s later and he’ll see her soon.

“Take your time and then we’ll go up and see Christopher, alright?”

Buck latches onto her words, nodding as he takes deep breath after deep breath. Everything will be fine, or as fine as it can be currently, once he’s back with Christopher.

—

Standing outside Charlie’s room where Karen left him, Buck watches the boys. He’s been there for probably five minutes, trying to gather the strength to pull himself even more together. This is becoming a habit he hates. But at least it gives him time to watch a smile light up Christopher’s face as he talks with Charlie, his fear for his father temporarily replaced, just like Hen had hoped it would be.

Although he can still see the tinges of sadness in his face, it warms Buck to know he’s got a distraction. It feels like forever before his own smile is able to remain steady enough for him to walk in the room. When he does, Christopher stops talking the moment he sees him, looking suddenly concerned. Buck hates that, too.

“Can I see dad now?”

Thankfully Buck has good news, a doctor having arrived just as he and Karen were leaving, but it won’t be exactly what Christopher wants to hear.

“Not yet,” he tells him. “But he’s out of surgery and-and they said he’s doing really well. He just needs a little rest.”

“He’s really going to be okay?”

This time it’s Charlie who asks the question, drawing Buck’s gaze to him for the first time. He feels a little ashamed he hasn’t taken notice of him yet, too focused on Christopher to really pay attention to anything, or anyone, else. The boy looks tired, his face paler than it was earlier in the day, eyes red rimmed with obvious signs he’d been crying at least somewhat recently.

“Yeah, he’s really gonna be okay.”

Charlie visibly relaxes and Buck’s heart hurts at the sight of him and Christopher sitting side by side, still looking so worried. He takes a seat in one of the empty chairs Hen and Denny left when she went to join Karen downstairs, taking her son with her, presumably to help her wife and Bobby with the Ana situation - something he desperately doesn’t want to think about again.

“Can we see him tomorrow?” Christopher asks, glancing at Charlie. “Both of us.”

His casual inclusion of the other boy makes Buck proud.

“I don’t know,” Buck tells them, remembering what Hen had said earlier about just being honest about everything. “We’ll have to-to wait and see what the doctors say.”

“The doctors said I can probably go home with Hen and Karen by the end of the week.” Charlie hesitates, obviously unsure of himself, but a quick glance at Christopher seems to give him the confidence to continue. “Do you think I could come over to your house then?”

This makes Buck know, with certainty, that bringing Christopher to the hospital was the best choice he could have made. Charlie’s well being had been so important to Eddie for days. It just feels right seeing the boys together. He knows it’s what Eddie would want. Buck only wishes he had thought of it himself instead of being so wrapped up in his own grief he hadn’t bothered to think of anyone other than himself and Christopher.

“He can always come to our house too.” Hen is standing in the door, leaning against the frame, when Buck looks over, watching Christopher with unguarded affection that’s all too familiar. Most people have a hard time not looking at him that way. “We love having him.”

“I love having you, too,” Christopher tells her, smiling again.

“Let’s talk about that later though,” she says. “Visiting hours are over for tonight, unfortunately.”

Christopher’s smile turns into a pout, like he’s planning on trying to talk his way into being able to stay longer when he sees Charlie’s frown.

“We can come back tomorrow,” Buck reassures them both. Even if Eddie isn’t able to have visitors, the boys need this - comfort and companionship with each other.

“You can?” Charlie brightens right alongside Christopher.

It’s only after another round of promises is given that Buck is able to usher Christopher out of the room and down to the waiting room so he can say his goodbyes to whoever is left before they head out. Thankfully, Ana is nowhere to be seen.

—

Maddie’s car is parked in Eddie’s driveway when Buck pulls in. She’s not inside it though, which means she must have followed his text instructions on how to find the hidden key just inside the side yard and let herself in the house to wait. He can’t wait to see her, though he knows he’ll have to keep his distance since she’ll be going home to Jee-Yun.

What he doesn’t expect is to find her asleep on a couch that’s already been made up with blankets and pillows, a small suitcase resting beside it. Although he and Christopher try to be quiet once they see her, it’s next to impossible not to make noise and she jerks awake with a startled noise.

“Sorry, we didn’t mean to -”

His words are cut off by a hug, Maddie’s arms pulling Buck tightly against her.

“Mads,” he says quickly, trying to pull away, but she won’t let him. “Mads, we were just at a hospital, we can’t.”

“Evan.” She squeezes him tighter before finally letting him put some distance between them, though she doesn’t look happy about it. “There was no way I was going to let you finish this day without getting a hug from me.”

“What about Jee?”

“Chimney’s taking some time off to be with her so I can be here with you,” she says, as if he should have already known.

Buck tries not to cry once again, but he’s so touched by the gesture it’s impossible not to. Maddie makes a soft noise, fussing over him as she wipes the tears from his cheeks like he’s a little kid again. He tries not to be embarrassed when he realizes Christopher is watching them closely. At least this time he’s not putting the burden of comforting him on a child terrified about losing his father.

“You’re really going to stay here with us?” Christopher asks, taking a seat on Maddie’s makeshift bed.

“Yeah.” She sits too, hugging him just as tightly as she did Buck. “For as long as you both need me.”

“You don’t have to-to do that, Mads,” Buck says softly. “You-you have a baby. She needs you.”

“And you’re my baby brother. You need me, too. Jee’s with her dad,” she reminds him gently, still holding Christopher to her side with one arm. “I want to be here.”

Buck knows from experience arguing with Maddie when she has her mind set on something is pointless, so he lets it go, choosing instead to sit on the other side of Christopher. It feels wrong to be there without Eddie, but it also feels right to have his sister with him, even if it does fill him with guilt.

“Well, you can’t sleep on the couch.” He ignores the look she shoots him. “I don’t think Eddie will mind if you take his bed.”

“We’ll talk about it after we get this guy to bed,” she says instead of arguing, though Buck knows the second Christopher is tucked in they’ll be having words about it.

—

An hour later Buck is finally able to retreat from Christopher’s room, leaving the door open and the hall light on just in case he wakes up. Maddie had jumped ship a half hour before, giving them each a kiss on the temple after Buck insisted she go to sleep after her thirteenth yawn. He suspects she didn’t take Eddie’s bed, even though he reminded her.

Sure enough, she’s snoring lightly on the couch when he checks.

Reluctantly he makes his way to Eddie’s room. It’s too empty without him, making Buck’s chest constrict again as he stares at the neatly made bed. He doesn’t want to mess it up, even though he’s so tired he feels like he could fall asleep standing. But falling asleep isn’t an option yet, as he’d promised Taylor he would call her once everything was settled for the night.

Even though it’s nearing midnight, she answers on the first ring.

“Hey. How are you?” she asks.

Buck lets out a deep breath, not sure what to say. He’s not okay, not by any means, but he doesn’t want to say the words out loud again.

“Tired,” he says instead, hoping she’ll let it rest at that.

“Do you want me to come over?”

This entire thing with her is new - their friendship, or whatever it is between them. Part of him is tempted to say yes, simply for the company. But the only place they’d have would be Eddie’s bed and the thought of her there with him feels a hundred different kinds of wrong.

“No, I’d probably be asleep before you got here,” he tells her.

“I don’t want you to be alone.”

That knot in his throat makes it’s reappearance at the word alone while he’s staring at Eddie’s bed. He swallows hard, turning away so he doesn’t have to look at it.

“Maddie’s here.”

“Oh.” Something like disappointment hangs heavy in the silence after that one word, then Taylor says, “Okay. Tomorrow then?”

He’s about to answer when a noise from outside the room makes him freeze. It takes him a moment to recognize it’s Christopher crying and his heart nearly stops.

“I-I have to-to go,” he says quickly, not waiting for a reply before hanging up.

Maddie is already in the hallway when he opens the door, ready to comfort Christopher if need be but Buck stops her.

“Go back to bed, I got this.”

She looks like she might argue with him, then seems to think better of it and nods, retreating back to the couch. Even if she’s not physically with him as he makes his way to Christopher’s room, her presence in the house helps, reminding him of all the ways she used to comfort him when he was a scared little boy who just needed to be loved.

The second he steps into the room, Christopher sits up, not trying to hide his tears at all.

“Hey,” Buck says, kneeling beside the bed and smoothing his hair back from his face. “Don’t be scared, I’m-I’m right here.”

Christopher throws his arms around Buck’s neck and starts crying even harder. Thinking of Maddie and Karen, he hopes his attempts at soothing back rubs are just as effective. It seems to have some sort of effect, as Christopher begins to calm slightly, though his crying doesn’t stop.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Christopher asks, voice muffled from his face being pressed into Buck’s shoulder. “Dad used to let me when I was scared.”

It’s probably been years since that’s been the truth, but Buck doesn’t have it in him to deny this boy anything after the day he’s had. If he could fit in Christopher’s bed, Buck would just stay right there with him even.

“Yeah. Of course you can,” he tells him, hoping that Christopher knows he’ll do whatever he can to ease his fears until Eddie’s able to take back over that role.